Sunday blues

I promised my friend that I would attend a ballet class tomorrow so I decided to do some turns in my bedroom. It didn't turn out so well because I hit my dresser and hurt my hand. I tried again! This time 

I didn't hit anything but I fell back on my bed because I got extremely dizzy. That's how it's like to be an unfit dancer. It seems like I have lost my skills all these years because I've been studying too much. There's never enough time to do everything. And it's a sad truth that most of the time we have to give up one thing for the other.

...I picked up my guitar today and played for a while. My fingers started hurting so I decided to play the piano. Guitar is easier to play than piano. But I think I love playing the piano more even though I'm currently bad at it because it doesn't hurt at all. I'm forcing myself to play for a full hour so I can buy a pair of earrings as a reward. I still haven't reached the apex of the learning curve. Playing for a full hour is hard when you can't read the notes well. But maybe after months of practice, it will be a lot easier and I will then never have to count the hours as I might find myself completely immersed playing piano all day.

Cactus garden

My girl friends had been extremely busy preparing for their talks so I had been "friendless" during the past few weekends. Instead of mourning in my lifeless flat, I decided to hop on solo adventures to random places around Brisbane. One of the many places I went to that I fell in love with was the cactus garden at Mt. Cootha. I actually went to Mt. Cootha supposedly to watch an orchid show. After the show I decided to take a tour of the different gardens. I walked past the cactus garden and felt euphoric. I really love cactus! I think I actually loved the dry cactus garden more than colourful and ostentatious orchid show!

Cinnamon scroll "mutant"

I went to a market which I have never been to one beautiful Sunday morning. I was craving to eat something sweet. But as you know, I don't really like "sweet sweets," so it was a challenge to find a commercial product that fitted the description. I toured the entire market and found cinnamon scrolls which came in so many different ridiculously sweet-looking toppings! I love plain cinnamon scrolls. However, I also wanted to try the toppings just because I was curious. So then I asked the lady if she could bake me one with guava toppings on one side and nothing on the other! I was very happy to get my customized cinnamon scroll! 

August updates

I could not recall the last time I visited my blog. But it turned out I actually briefly dropped by last month. I had been planning to write, but I had been really preoccupied I could not find the best time where I still had enough energy to actually slouch in my chair and begin this long conversation with myself. I have been really busy. I had to be otherwise, I would probably sink in depression after the loss of my grandma. I must say I am coping really well. I used to get really upset every time it rains and I end up getting stuck at home with nothing else to do but think about my grandma. Although I still sometimes feel sad when I think about her, the main difference now is the fact that I have finally accepted she is gone. She was my favorite person in the world! She left me with this gigantic hole in my heart which is finally healing. 

So what have I been up to? A lot actually! If you will recall, during the early part of the year I jotted down what I wanted to do this year. I did most of them! 

1. Swimming. I enrolled in swimming lessons, and after the first session I realized that I can actually swim! I just have this deep water phobia. I can swim perfectly well in the pool where my feet can touch the ground. But the moment I imagine the pool is deep, I sink! I nearly drowned when I was young; and I still have not overcome this childhood trauma. I just have to remember that it swimming in shallow water and deep water does not make a difference. If I can swim, I can swim!

2. Playing musical instruments. I dragged my electric piano all the way from Philippines. I must say dragging it all the way down here is definitely worth it! I really love music and it would be a shame if I could not play. 

3. Travelling. I'm off to attend a conference in Vietnam next month. After that, I intend to take a short trip to Cambodia! I'm very excited! I really love travelling. If reincarnation was true (but I don't believe in it), I was probably a migratory bird that got shot by hunters because I strayed from the flock!

The only thing I have not done yet was do more driving practice so I can get a P license. I will probably work more on this goal when I get back from my trip. I have already emailed a nursing home twice to see if  I could volunteer. Unfortunately, they have not gotten back to me. I chose one which is closest to where I live. If I learn how to drive and save up for a car, I can opt to do volunteering in a nursing home which does not necessarily need to be close to where I live. My grandma used to tell me I'm the only one in the family who can make me smile all the time. Maybe I might just have that special ability to make old people smile.

How have I been?

I have not written anything for what seemed like forever. But forever ceases to exist! And that's the bitter truth which I have been trying to swallow for the past months. My grandma passed away two months ago; and I kept crying until my tears ran dry. I must say I have never felt such excruciating pain in my life before. And that if anything ever came my way, I would simply look back, think about my grandma and say, "It doesn't hurt." But it could have hurt had I not been aching from my grandma's passing. Everything is relative so it seems. I love my grandma. If there is one person in the planet whom I truly love, it's definitely her. When she left me forever, my heart started to collapse. And in the middle is a very big hole! So big, I can almost fit the universe! I'm healing somehow but I may need time. Hopefully soon enough my heart will be whole again. But for now, I am contented living with a huge hole in my heart.

I'm filling up the void by busying myself with my thesis. After a year, I am finally getting into it. And it's about time! What took me so long, I really don't know. I've also just recently emailed a nursing home so I could do some volunteer works. I really love seeing old people smile for some reasons. Maybe if I manage to make them smile every weekend, the big hole in my heart will heal up faster.

I've also had quite a number of travels planned. I'm pretty excited! I'm away from my flat most of the time. It's hard to stay inside curled up in my bed. I can't even remember the last time I had siesta! I just love being out, enjoying the sun and the soft breeze. 

Tomorrow I will be gone again! I'm heading to Melbourne with my colleagues to discuss our project. I'm so excited to learn new things from all the smart people whom I will be meeting. But the biggest challenge now is how to catch my flight. The plane leaves early; and on normal days, I wake up late. 

Free "taste" of the Latin dance craze

While I may have a pile of work-related backlogs to catch up this coming week, I am  very ecstatic to say that my weekend needs none of that! Saturday morning I forced myself to work and physically go to the lab while my brain was lackadaisically walking on a sunny street! After a while I realized working was pointless! I thought maybe I should have fun instead because it's the weekend after all! I tossed my pen, packed my bag and went home to get changed into my dancing outfit! I attended a free salsa class! It was my very first time to dance salsa but it felt so natural for me! After the class, I spent the entire evening dancing salsa, (a bit of zouk) and bachata! I had an amazing night getting reunited with one of my many interests: DANCING! Looks like my girl friends and I will be spending a lot of time in different Latin dance clubs in the coming months. 

The morning person conversion

I have been robbed off sleep the past two days probably because I have been trying so hard to become a morning person. I'm really having troubles getting up early in the morning that sometimes I'm tempted to literally throw myself out of bed so that my whole body gets slammed on the wooden floor so I can immediately wake up. But because I love myself so much I would not want to get bruised for such a lame reason, I always end up rolling back and forth in bed, enjoying the warm embrace of my feather-soft quilt. Then I watch the clock's hand move from one number to another until the long hand finally makes a full turn! I struggle. I move a bit. The long hand slams itself to the next number again and again and again. Then I imagine drinking my coffee and doing yoga. Finally, I sit at the corner of my bed. But many times I find myself hitting the sack again and fall back to my dreamland. 

 

It has been like this since I decided to try to become a morning person. I will try again for the last time tomorrow! But this time I ate a hearty dinner. Hopefully the insulin in my bloodstream would spike up and rob my brain off the oxygen so I'd feel a bit sluggish and this nocturnal body of mine will fall into a deep sleep.